... Cinta" is an awesome movie. Ann said that after watching it I'll probaby end up wearing a headscarf; that didn't happen, but at least it got me (re?)believing things that I thought I was naive to have believed in in the first place. Which is good.

It's been nearly two weeks since my return (or departure, whichever way you'd like to look at it), and it still feels surreal. Thankfully I don't wake up in a cold sweat anymore -not that I sweat in this weather, since my window's always open and it's still winter- but sometimes it still catches me off-guard, and I end up feeling pretty disoriented, on top of a couple more negative emotions.

So many things in my head, but I haven't got much energy to write them down. Be patient with me, I think I'm slowly losing my mind.

Mid-mid-life crisis, and I turn 20 in 2 months.

No, I'm exaggerating. If I were conscious that I were having some sort of breakdown, I'd probably cart myself away. Right now I feel... static. Things are happening around me, but my soul's on pause like an unflattering screen capture (mouth agape, eyes half-closed).

Down to my last two packs of Sams.

Positively vile.

... i shall amuse u by teling sumting u know cud only hapen to me. I had a meeting with zaty grp yesterday at cofee bean, after an hour i wna go bck to my car n i realise my car key is mising. We all searched n i trace back my step to my car where i saw da window very foggy n gues wat? My key was in da ignition! Haha nasib its brunei n nting got stlen haha. Oh my tisue box flew out my car coz i drove fast n the window was open coz rid was smoking. Other den dat, i miss u! Love u!"

- From an unnamed person whom I adore dearly.

I doubt there are any Bruneian students in Australia reading this, much less those who live in Brisbane, but I suppose it wouldn't do any harm to advertise the barbecue the Brunei Students' Society in Brisbane are hosting on the 25th, this Saturday, in conjunction with His Majesty's 63rd Birthday (which is good, since we didn't get to celebrate it in Brunei) at Roma St Parklands. Call me for details if you're interested (0434131778), and it's actually not just restricted to Bruneian students, we've managed to recruit a few Malaysians as well, so invite yourself, and if you're interested in becoming a member it's only AUD 5, so you could take part in the many activities we've planned for the year, like the paintball tournament we'll be having in August, although since that's been pre-booked already we won't be able to really enter anyone new. But since the Society members seem pretty eager for any excuse to play Paintball, I'm pretty sure we'll be having one every few months.

So come one, come all, enjoy some food and meet some new people before the assignments start pouring in.


In other news... I have none. Time's been passing horrendously slowly, but at least I've managed to decorate my room. Which basically entailed buying a whole bunch of stuff from Pillow Talk and printing out a bunch of pictures of my friends and sticking them on my wall. Oh, and "borrowing" the Bruneian flag from the Society and hanging it on my wall. I've so far gotten three comments regarding my patriotism. And it's true: ah do luhv muh country.

Some idiots are outside singing off-key and blowing whistles. It's 10 minutes to 10PM, and they're one day too early to be stupidly drunk.

... see most of you in November (:

Am not a very big fan of goodbyes. I suppose I've built up a slight immunity to tearful farewells from those years of constantly having to say goodbye with the knowledge that you may very well never see them again. So it's interesting how it aches more leaving a place, and its people, even though you know you'll be seeing them again in a few months.

But then again it could just be certain people that make me feel that way.

Overall, I had a good, somewhat eventful time during my one-month stay. And it's funny how the beginning of my stay here I felt as if I'd never left Brunei at all, but now that I'm leaving I feel like I've never left Brisbane; the space-time continuum is in quite a shambles (in my head).

One of my greatest fears is loss. Losing people, losing strength, losing face. But especially, losing my memory. Which is why it freaks me out when time passes too fast: I feel like those memories don't even have time to be made.

Which is why I am eternally grateful for the creators and pioneers whose efforts resulted in good-quality cameras and recording equipment being made (:

So, I guess there's not much left to say, but...

I'll be seeing you...

My wives:



My Panat 5:



The people that've made my life just that much better, and those met along the (short) way:


If you're not up there it probably means I've either not seen you much during the month, or I didn't have the initiative of bringing a camera, or you've been making excuses instead of getting off your hiney and seeing me. That means you, Lina.

Next stop: Campus Living Village, Kelvin Grove.

... hidden my last few posts concerning my impersonator. Since she's taken down her "identity" and the pictures of me I suppose I have no real need to berate her. I'll just have to make peace with whatever damage she might've caused while being "me". The whole pictures thing was strange, but if she were performing under another name, she didn't have to interweave certain elements of my life into her fake one, especially since the information she put on her Friendster profile didn't entail anything I'd aspire to be. I guess I'm just wondering why she did it in the first place, it's not like my life is all that fabulous.

Ervy said it was probably because out of all of our friends, I was the easiest to impersonate, since I had a blog, my Facebook profile (used to be) viewable publicly, and I was out of the country, meaning she wouldn't have to meet up with anyone she got to know online. Which sounds plausible and all, but I'm sure there are tons of overseas students with blogs she could've jacked. Maybe that's a good thing then, that I kept my return to Brunei a (sort of) surprise.

To each his own.

Would be quite funny, though, if someone should call me Ayla. And no, I do not appreciate that being my nickname, thank you very much.




Ervy says I should sue her for defamation. Bruneians don't really give a hoot about law, though. Shame, I could use the money.

Barbecue tomorrow, woot :D

... idea of productivity:



10 days to go. And I'm feeling much more melancholic than when I left the first time.

... be getting my flu shot in a bit, I sincerely hope most of you have gotten/ are getting it soon.

Dangdut and old-school Indonesian (and Malaysian) pop music don't have all that much support from most people, methinks it's one of those things people like but wouldn't admit they do.

But I grew up listening to this song:



Don't tell me you don't know it.

I still think it's fab :D

... know what you should always make sure of?

That your facial cleanser and toothpaste are placed far, far away from each other. Especially when you're all groggy in the morning (or afternoon, in my case)

As effective and renowned Neutrogena is, I highly doubt it'll give me the minty-fresh breath I'm looking for.

[/edit]... I'm somewhat used to:

"http://www.google.com.bn/search?q=twomenwalkedintoabar&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a"

Even this, although slightly freakier, I'm also getting used to:

"http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=azimah%20alipah&aq=f&oq=&aqi="

But this is new:

"http://www.ask.com/bar?q=azimah%20alipah&page=1&qsrc=0&ab=2&u=http%3A%2F%2Ftwomenwalkedintoabar.blogspot.com%2F"

Ask.com? I'm semi-expecting my name to appear on Wikipedia. And for those of you with Wikipedia accounts...

Don't.

Have decided to spend my last two weeks with the family, minus Tuesday and Saturday cause I have barbecues then, and I shall never say nay to free food.

I've finished mapping out my piercing projects, and if they all go to plan I should end up with 25 piercings in total by the time I turn 20. I only need two more on my right ear to finish, got one step closer to it when I went with Ervy (whom I shall say I have managed to turn into a fellow piercing addict, albeit of the facial variety) to get her first cartilage piercing:

I won't be able to get any more lobe piercings on my left ear since I've pierced and repierced it too many times, if I repierce it again I know it'll just end up getting infected again, so I'll compensate by getting an industrial helix and two more standard cartilage piercings. Besides that and my vertical labret I'll be going for three dermal anchor piercings on my chest, an anti-eyebrow, and finish off with a nape piercing.

Then I'll be done. For now.

[edit]

Oh, I just realised that this is my 200th post (: It's been a good 1 year and 5 months, despite deleting some posts due to... certain issues. Well actually no, they're still there, just saved as drafts so I'll be able to look back at it and laugh at myself. Hope there'll be hundreds to come.

Posts, I mean, not drafts.

Peace 'n roll.

[/edit]

[edit]

Got another piercing with Ervy today, standard cartilage on me left ear and a second cartilage on her right. I've decided to switch the industrial helix to my right ear, and that I can do without my vertical labret if I get an anti-eyebrow. Plus I just realised I spend a lot of time lying on my stomach, so that would definitely make the three dermal anchors on my chest quite uncomfortable, I might just decide to get one. So that'll take me down to a semi-decent 20, which is good enough for me.

[/edit]

... have just gone through my class allocations for next semester. Being the lazy ass I am, I picked the late lectures and tutes, so the earliest class I have is at 10AM on Friday, whereas Monday is at at 1PM, and 5 PM for Thursday; plus I have Tuesday and Wednesday off.

Ooh yes.

And this time I really am going to aim for 7s across the board. Dees eez for muh momma.


[edit]

I just shifted some classes around, and now I have Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday (plus Saturday and Sunday, duh) off. Self-allocation system, I adore you.

[/edit]

... adore how the light seems to save the best of its beauty for last.







Empire and Tungku are now haunted by the likes of me during the late hours of the sunlight.

And I've decided to get my vertical labret repierced when I go back to Australia; since I probably won't be coming back to Brunei during the November-February holidays I won't have to care what the general public thinks. I was half-hoping it wouldn't close, but considering I spent a good 2 hours stabbing my lip to no avail and ending up with a swollen bump instead, I'm pretty sure it's gone.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine, concerning a friend of hers who apparently stabbed her in the back a while ago. I told her I've never really been in that predicament before. Today I talked to my friends about drama, and mentioned that I didn't think I've ever really been involved in any; one of them pointed out that I was probably oblivious to the fact that I was actually in it.

Funny how two different conversations with two different parties at two different times seem to be linked together.

In the first conversation, I asked my friend if she and her friend still talked. She said no, that she left him and her to their devices, it seemed that they deserved each other.

Good for them.

Good for them.


Too bad friends aren't quite as replaceable as men. Too bad I loved, before I knew what could've happened.

But it seems I love less. I feel less. Emotions. And less of... myself.

It did seem like I was about to fully implode for a while. Now I'm just tired. I'm tired of handing myself out like a treat nobody really wanted in the first place.

And who in their right mind (and stomach) would choose the appetiser when the full course is right there next to it?

Haha.

Melt my heart into stone, indeed.



And thank everything that is (still) pure and holy that Rid's coming back tomorrow (: Finally.